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Hi,

I wonder if somebody might be able to help me.

My husband and his then wife broke up 3 years ago, they had a daughter together who was 13 months at the time. She moved away from him (3 hours drive) with the little girl. He then moved so that he was closer to her (current location, 40 minutes away) but within a few weeks she gave the little girl back to him saying she couldn't cope with her. Since then i've moved in and she has seen the little girl pretty much as and when she feels like, usually sunday 3pm -11am monday every other week though. They never went to a mediation session as she refused to drive to our location for it. And likewise there is no custody/residency orders etc in place. However, recently our situation has changed in that the girl has started nursery in the afternoons and we found that coming home at 11 and having the afternoon at school was leaving her really distressed on the monday night (she doesn't sleep very well at her mums and it makes it a really long day). So my husband suggested that her mum has her friday or saturday night till sunday night every other week instead so she isn't losing any time with her. She isn't very happpy about this and has been giving him a lot of grief over it, standing on our doorstep screaming at him whilst holding the child for example. In the end she said ok and picked her up saturday at 11am and said she'd be back by 6pm sunday. However an hour later my husband got a text saying "i'm not bringing her back tomorrow, i'm bringing her back monday and you'll like it or lump it". Obviously this has really concerned my husband and he was worrying all weekend that she wouldn't bring her back at all. Fortunately she did bring her back but it's still left that worry with him.

I was wondering if anyone could advise what his rights would be if she DID decide not to bring her back at all and also if anyone could reccomen any way of her only been allowed to see her at weekends as from what i've been told only the parent she doesn't live with can apply for any type of visiting order?

I would really appreciate any help/opinions on this!

If the worst comes to the worst you make an application at short notice to a court for the child to be returned. This will always be succesful in the circumstances described where the mother refuses to return the child - despite your efforts to be reasonable - after contact.

Before matters get to that stage it is about talking to her to work out some acceptable arrangement. Why cant she take up the Fri/Sat to Sunday compromise suggested? Ask her.

Dls will be on here in a moment saying these situations need to be talked through. It is not that I necessarily disagree, it is just that we are different sides of the same coin.

Thanks for the reply, the only reason she gives for not wanting her then is that she works 9am-12pm on a saturday morning (which in our eyes doesn't mean she can't pick her up after work does it? -or does it?) that way she would see her 1pm saturday -6pm sunday which is still more than she sees her now.

Well, up until recently they were talking fine about the problem, and everything seemed ok but this weekend was just phenomenal in terms of her behaviour over it.

-just to add to that, i mentioned friday night as although she currently works a few hours on a saturday morning, her parents have told us that she has all of friday off and could easily get that changed so she could have her longer still... she doesn't want to!

Ask her how this arrangement can continue as it is when the little girl starts school or does she intend on dropping her at schools Monday mornings

In addition to the advice already given - start a diary. Write in it what has happened so far and then keep it thoroughly updated. If you are able to communicate in a way that has a trace, i.e. email or letter, do so. It is really helpful to have documentation if it ever gets to the dispute stage.

Try to avoid getting there; a negotiated solution is less costly on both emotions and finances and better for the child.

BoJangles - My husband done that and she says it doesn't matter because that's a year away... this is what annoys me a lot to be honest, kids like routine, and yet she has no problem with upsetting this child's to suit her own needs. :/

DanJP - Thanks for that, i have told my husband. Problem is though, we've been told that we can't actually get any kind of visiting order ourselves, her mum has to do it. But, the only way that could happen would be if we stopped contact all together so that she was forced to apply for visiting rights. Only she loves her money too much and neither of us can ever see her actually wanting to go through the courts (she wouldn't be entitled to legal aid whereas we would) due to the costs. So we fear all we would be doing is stopping the little girl seeing her mum altogether which isn't really fair on her, how will she look at us when she grows up?!

It's such a difficult situation... if only we could apply for her to have set visiting time!

Thanks very much for both the replies!