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Hi

If I explain the position I am in, then if someone could advise the best course of action...please!

About 6 weeks ago I separated from my expectant wife and child of 3yrs old. I left her and my son in the family home and I am currently lodging with family (although they are now getting twitchy about me living there without paying any lodgings/rent). I am still paying all the bills and mortgage and food etc at the family home.

There is about £50k of loans that I am also still paying the monthly instalments on. My wife has not worked since our first child was born 3 1/2 yrs ago.

I commute a long distance to work (1 1/4 each way) and where I am lodging now adds another 1/4 hour each way.

As my wife is expecting a child at the end of November, she does not want to move out of the house until early next year. Until then I am having to live in a box room with a floor as a wardrobe. I need to rent somewhere and live normally as the stress of living like this and the additional commute is killing me.

She is not entitled to any income support all the time I am paying the mortgage and the income support wouldn't be enough to pay the mortgage anyway.

I can't afford to rent and pay the mortgage/loans/all the household bills/food as well. What can I do?

What do I do if she refuses to move out? I can't allow the house to be reposessed as it would add further to the debt and I cannot go bankrupt etc as I am a qualified accountant and it would void my qualification.

Who's responsibility is the debt? The loans were all taken out in my sole name, although they were used for joint use (house work , consolidate credit cards in both names, holidays ect). In divorce, would these be split 50/50 even though she would have no income (only maintenance/benefits - if she ever moves out!)

I can't afford maintenance as well as the whole amount of the debt repayments each month.

It seems she has all the cards stacked in her favour and there's no easy way forward for me - any help would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks

Aaron

You need to get some proper advice on all this. It does sound best if she can stay on in the house, but you can't be expected to cover all the expenses of that house as well as fund yourself in a place of your own. You need a proper arrangement where you pay a set maintenance amount each month, but she also needs to take some responsibility for finding out properly what she's entitled to claim etc, it shouldn't all be down to you to sort out.

It sounds like you can't afford to pay for advice at the moment, so start with the Citizen's Advice Bureau, and I also found the Consumer Credit Counselling Service to be really helpful, they can advise you on the debts.

No she hasn't. She will lose everything just the same as you will, unless you work something out.

Set out your income / outgoings / assets / liabilities / needs and expectations in writing and mutually exchange and discuss these with her and both look at realistic proposals as to where you go from here.

I hate to start sounding like dls. Same idea, different emphasis.

I do agree with mouse. If you don't do something, you guys are going to lose everything.

I've been doing that a long time. For the moment may I just sound like Mouse - willingly on this occasion.

Whatever problems you have will only get worse the longer you leave it. A court cannot resolve what is in practice an excess of debt, and nor will she survive it. Yes, the debts are in our name, and yes the court will give priority to the children, but their interests are best served by an arrangement which will survive.

Talk to her not about what is in her or your best interests, but as to how you will between you provide for two children.

I am sorry to hear of what you are going through. Sometimes, it is very difficult to understand why we find ourselves in such situations. Your best bet is to go to your local Citizen Advice and see how best they can assist you rearrange with the monthly payments of your loans, bills etc. I do agree with everyone, sort this out with her before it is too late.

Best of luck

one thing I did was to approach the CSA to deal with Maintenance payments this meant instead of paying £800/month in mortgage bill's etc. I how pay £400/month maintenance. so that issue is sorted.

she can apply to the council to get the community charge reduced by 25%.

now this is where you situation differs from mine. my ex works 18hours/ weeks and that qualifies her to get something in the order of £1000/month in benifits in fact she actually brings home about £1900/month as a part time check out and I'm bringing home £1600/month as a full time industrial engineer. being expectant might affect her ability to claim benifits as she will not be able to work over 18 hours/week.

now It seems to me she hasn't bothered to contact the benifits office and therefore enjoying the gravy train at your expense.

also you can get a letter drawn up which changes you home owning status from 'joint ownership' to 'shared ownership'. it might help in the long term.